One Reason Not to Get Married


…Just because of the other’s winning qualities… Wait, huh?

God did not marry us through Jesus Christ because we were nice and good deep deep inside with great potential and all that “good” stuff… no pun intended. He married us first and simply because He loved/loves us. HE [directed toward] LOVES you. Period.

You might say “well duh, of course one marries because one loves his/her mate. Yes, but how? Is our love not usually motivated by the impressive qualities that we listed on our list of wants in a mate? Then when we see not so impressive things, we scare easy?

Are these reasons not self motivated? We look to receive, rather than give?

How often, ladies, do we pray for the man that WE will BE a Proverbs 31 woman to? The one WE will DO good to all the days of our lives? The one whose name will be honored in the city because of us? The one we can bring healing and confidence to. The one we can be patient with and not write off when they make not-so-good decisions?  Or is our monologue more about all the good and yes, godly heroic things he needs to be to fit us? “No issues, please,” hahaha.  My fellow men, how often do you pray for the wife that you can show kindness, nurturing and leadership to? The one you can conquer the world for, cherish and protect? The one you can bring even closer to the eternal wisdom of God?

When do we start teaching to reach out in sacrificial love towards a “perfection in process” mate? When last did we look at imperfection and resolve to love rather than say “oh my gosh what am I doing here?” Do we look at imperfection and love even more? Yes, I agree with not marrying to change a person, and of course, issues differ from issues so there must be a foundation of qualities from which we speak. Obviously I don’t expect us to settle outside of faith and character… but I am speaking of  an accepting sacrificial love.
Let’s mirror the God kind of love… the one He asked us to imitate: God, The Perfect One, saw the state of our mess, counted the cost, paid the price, showed us His Love and made the Way for us to even relate with Him- because HE LOVES us. We begin to understand love when we renew our minds like this. It’s not about sadism or focusing on negative qualities. But man, maybe the rate of divorce would decrease if we all developed a better understanding of getting into marriage as a giver and not a taker… because as time goes on and the winning qualities get less and less (not because they’re always less, but because, based on a “taker’s” level of maturity it’s easier to allow conflict, which is natural, to wipe out memories of good) it always makes sense to “bow out” ’cause this is not what you signed up for in the first place… tsk tsk. God saw our worst before we even lived it out… yet He lifted us up in HIS LOVE.

Next time you’re asked why you’re married or marrying or want to marry. Think of it from the perspective of how much you love him or her…. “because I LOVE YOU”.


5 Comments Add yours

  1. maj says:

    Like the song says, “All we need is love.” Another old school Baptist tune goes, “…gimme that old-time religion…” which enjoins us to hold on to certain useful traditions. If love worked for Mum and Dad, there’s no reason we can’t enjoy at least the same level of relationship. Because He first loved us, we are more or less obligated to pay it forward; expressing said emotion to a spouse is certainly no different.

    1. 'dami says:

      Amen!! Thanks, bros!

  2. J says:

    I particularly like the last major paragraph, “…..showing love and creating a way to relate.. Being a giver and not a taker with the level of maturity that allows conflict to wipe out memories of good…”. These are some important points and I definitely need God’s strength and grace to choose to be these things cos sometimes my insides are screaming ‘why should I have to!!!’ and I think of every reason to act otherwise but when I choose God’s way, God’s LOVE, the peace is phenomenal, the joy unspeakable and I see clearly where I have been selfish and was only thinking about me! Me! ME!…

    1. 'dami says:

      Aren’t the results phenomenal, huh, sis? And that’s why He is a God of mystery. And it’s so amazing that He shares this mystery with us in our obedience! Yum! It’s amazing the reward one receives when they do it His way although the natural mind just can’t get it. It gets even better when being like Him is our passion and desire… beyond fighting for our own rights. Realizing that self-preservation would be selling ourselves short. But as I discovered before, I don’t know anything until I have begun practicing it… and the difference is getting clearer! Teach me, girl!

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